“I yearn for you so hard.”
Email quote from Melinda’s boyfriend on the Real World: Austin, discussing his feelings for his estranged girlfriend.
I love that quote.
Anyway, I tweaked the aesthetic formatting a little bit. I felt that with the font I was using that I was yelling, so it’s now a little less bold. Anyway, here is what I really want to say today.
With all due respect to What About Bob, Ghostbusters and Caddyshack, Groundhog Day is Bill Murray’s best film. It’s certainly not his funniest film, but when it comes to morals of the story, originality and filmmaking, it is the best of show (despite Andie McDowell’s best efforts to fun-extinguish the entire film).
One of the reasons it’s such a great movie (besides the fact that “Phil” couldn’t leave Groundhog Day until he improved himself as a human being – great character arc), is because you can apply the lessons, the jokes, the melancholy demeanor of the main character, to so many aspects of life. Sick and tired of the repetitiveness of your job? You probably feel like you are stuck in Groundhog Day. You and your friends doing the same thing every weekend? Groundhog Day. Going through the motions intimacy-wise with your significant other? Groundhog Day.
So I live in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado. Within a short drive, I get all the culinary conveniences of suburban life – Chili’s, Red Robin, Olive Garden, Applebee’s, Outback Steakhouse, Noodles & Company, Chipotle … Not long ago; I visited my alma-mater in Lawrence, Kansas – the typical Midwestern college town. Lawrence isn’t exactly Denver, but you can dine at Old Chicago, Chili’s, Applebee’s, IHOP... Last Thanksgiving, I visited Chicago, where I could shop and dine at all the above-mentioned establishments. Groundhog Day.
I am all for a free-market economy and I am well aware that there was a day when McDonalds was a local business, but I have grown sick and tired of all the national chains.
There is something to be said about expectations – and when I go to the Olive Garden, I know exactly what I am signing up for. But there is also something to be said for trying something new and supporting local business. Given the choice between eating lunch at Old Chicago’s or eating at Free State Brewery (a local brewery located only in Kansas), I am going to choose the latter every time. When I look at most suburban Americans, I don’t see them choosing their local businesses anymore. I hear them saying how having a nice dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack is a fine-dining, seafood experience.
When a city does a “best of” list, how many times does it say the best ribs in town are at Chili’s? Or the best burger is at Red Robin? Never. The winners of the “best of” are always local businesses. What does that tell you?
When I was younger I remember that traveling to a new city was a unique experience. I got to shop at new stores, eat at new places and get to do stuff I didn’t get to do at home. Now when I visit different cities and states, every street looks the same and it doesn’t matter where I am at in the US. Now I make it a rule that when I am on vacation or traveling on business, I can’t eat at any place I can eat at home – which is getting harder and harder to do. Groundhog Day.
My own family is guilty of committing these very sins. My aunt and uncle came into town to visit for my birthday. My dad’s wife wanted to take them out to dinner and made reservations at Maggiano’s Authentic Italian Restaurant, which is a nice chain restaurant. But my aunt and uncle live 15 minutes from a Maggiano’s in Chicago, so why not take them to a place they can’t eat at in Chicago or to a local place so they can sample a taste of Colorado? Of course the previous night they hit Red Robin for dinner, and while in Las Vegas a few years ago, they suggested we eat at Outback Steakhouse for our final meal while eating a cold cut combo from Subway - so maybe a dinner at Maggiano’s is to be expected, and that’s exactly the problem.
I’m not trying to rip-on or single out my family, but I fear that they have become like too many Americans who have been brainwashed by the constant chain advertising and the repetition of seeing the same places over and over and over again. And, if given the choice between the old reliable chain restaurant and the local establishment that they have never heard of, they are choosing old reliable. I fear that if this continues, soon the only choice we will have when going out to eat will be between Chili’s and Applebee’s. Ugh.
I know it is tough to break away from the chain hypnosis we have all been put into by the catchy, I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back ribs – Chili’s, baby-back ribs-like slogans. When Red Lobster throws out that all-you-can-eat shrimp lovers deal, I can’t say no. I love a toasted sub from Quizno’s as much as the next man. And it’s frustrating when your neighborhood only has chain offerings and eating at a local establishment isn’t convenient. But just like “Phil” had to learn how to play the piano, sculpt ice and to be a selfless man, we need to learn to stop eating at Olive Garden just because it’s easy and safe.
(By the way, according to the script, “Phil” spends 10 years in Groundhog Day, so we have some time to fix these problems)
Remember that “Cheers” was a local pub (though ironically ‘Cheers’ is now a chain bar). “Monk’s Café” and “Central Perk” were not Starbucks. “Arnold’s Diner” from Happy Days was not a Gunther Toodys. Even “Rick’s” from Casablanca wasn’t a Coyote Ugly or a Moroccan chain. Often the places with the most character, the best service and tastiest food, are the establishments you find only in certain towns or those restaurants that no one has heard of. Or those little dives that are hard to find or covered in shadows cast upon them by the Best Buys, Home Depots and Bed, Bath and Beyonds of the world.
So lets start passing over the Papa Johns-like pizza places and start eating at the Pizza Shuttle-like places. And if you haven’t heard of Pizza Shuttle before, then there is a reason - and that is exactly my point.
When “Phil,” finally escapes Groundhog Day, he is elated – the streets look different, the people are different and he gets to once again experience the unexpectedness of life. I can’t wait for the day when I throw open my blinds, grab Andie McDowell’s hand and run-off to eat breakfast at Connor’s Pancake House, instead of IHOP, Village Inn or Perkins.
February 3rd will be a great day.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
Weekend Observations
I hope everyone had a fun and safe weekend. Just in case you are curious, and I know that you are, only 12 more days until Vegas. Anyway, here are five observations from this weekend:
· The other night I caught a TBS showing of “Fools Rush In” as I was getting ready to go out. Early in the film, Selma Hayek’s character is telling Matthew Perry’s character that, “she had never gone home with a strange man before,” or something to that effect, and he responds by saying he hadn’t done anything like that before either. C’mon. You’re telling me two single people in their early 30’s never had a one night stand? She works at a casino and lives in Sin City, he lives in New York and went to college, they are both single, and they never had a one-nighter? I’m sorry, I’m not buying it. Especially from him. Matthew Perry has frat-boy written all over him – I know he had a couple one-and-done’s during those college days. Anyway, my point is that since I watched that movie, anytime someone says, “I have never done anything like this before,” to me, I am going to be extremely suspicious.
· Is Twister the most overrated board game? Sure, there was a day when it was fun to play with someone you just met and you were both shy about physical affection or at a party where everyone had consumed a few too many adult beverages, but after observing a game this weekend – it seems like it gets boring really fast. Take away sexual tension and alcohol, and suddenly the game is as exciting as the 4th hour of a Monopoly game.
· The award for the Most Annoying Email Forward goes to those emails you get from your friends wanting to know how many times you been toilet-papering, what’s your favorite day of the week, who is most unlikely to respond to the email and all those other questions. Maybe if the questions were a little bit more thought-provoking like, “what are the three best road trip snacks,” or “what’s your favorite song to sing-along to in a car,” I might be more willing to respond. Someone should really come up with a much more interesting questionnaire so you can actually get to know your family and friends better.
· I’m not complaining, but has anyone else noticed that the Travel Channel is one or two shows away from becoming the Las Vegas Channel. From Vegas: Urban Legends, to Secrets to Winning in Las Vegas, to Vegas: World’s Best Buffets (did you know the largest in Vegas is at the Excalibur?) to Vegas: What’s the Nicest Public Restroom on the Strip? – it’s getting a tad ridiculous. All those shows are great if you have an upcoming Vegas trip (which I do), but how many of those helicopter shots of the Strip can one take before you really don’t need to know which hotel has the thickest bedroom walls?
· My friend Ryan felt misled the other day when we went to McDonalds to grab a quick bite before we went out. Ryan nabbed the McNugget combo and found out after he paid that they ran out of BBQ sauce. What an act of deceit! As McDonalds best dipping sauce, they really should put a sign up at the drive-thru menu if they run out. By the time Ryan found out there was no BBQ sauce, he couldn’t change his order and was stuck with Sweet and Sour, which is a find sauce, but it’s no BBQ. Definitely detracted from the overall enjoyment of the meal. We’ll eat at McDonalds again, but definitely a sad experience.
· The other night I caught a TBS showing of “Fools Rush In” as I was getting ready to go out. Early in the film, Selma Hayek’s character is telling Matthew Perry’s character that, “she had never gone home with a strange man before,” or something to that effect, and he responds by saying he hadn’t done anything like that before either. C’mon. You’re telling me two single people in their early 30’s never had a one night stand? She works at a casino and lives in Sin City, he lives in New York and went to college, they are both single, and they never had a one-nighter? I’m sorry, I’m not buying it. Especially from him. Matthew Perry has frat-boy written all over him – I know he had a couple one-and-done’s during those college days. Anyway, my point is that since I watched that movie, anytime someone says, “I have never done anything like this before,” to me, I am going to be extremely suspicious.
· Is Twister the most overrated board game? Sure, there was a day when it was fun to play with someone you just met and you were both shy about physical affection or at a party where everyone had consumed a few too many adult beverages, but after observing a game this weekend – it seems like it gets boring really fast. Take away sexual tension and alcohol, and suddenly the game is as exciting as the 4th hour of a Monopoly game.
· The award for the Most Annoying Email Forward goes to those emails you get from your friends wanting to know how many times you been toilet-papering, what’s your favorite day of the week, who is most unlikely to respond to the email and all those other questions. Maybe if the questions were a little bit more thought-provoking like, “what are the three best road trip snacks,” or “what’s your favorite song to sing-along to in a car,” I might be more willing to respond. Someone should really come up with a much more interesting questionnaire so you can actually get to know your family and friends better.
· I’m not complaining, but has anyone else noticed that the Travel Channel is one or two shows away from becoming the Las Vegas Channel. From Vegas: Urban Legends, to Secrets to Winning in Las Vegas, to Vegas: World’s Best Buffets (did you know the largest in Vegas is at the Excalibur?) to Vegas: What’s the Nicest Public Restroom on the Strip? – it’s getting a tad ridiculous. All those shows are great if you have an upcoming Vegas trip (which I do), but how many of those helicopter shots of the Strip can one take before you really don’t need to know which hotel has the thickest bedroom walls?
· My friend Ryan felt misled the other day when we went to McDonalds to grab a quick bite before we went out. Ryan nabbed the McNugget combo and found out after he paid that they ran out of BBQ sauce. What an act of deceit! As McDonalds best dipping sauce, they really should put a sign up at the drive-thru menu if they run out. By the time Ryan found out there was no BBQ sauce, he couldn’t change his order and was stuck with Sweet and Sour, which is a find sauce, but it’s no BBQ. Definitely detracted from the overall enjoyment of the meal. We’ll eat at McDonalds again, but definitely a sad experience.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Movie Things I Want To Have Happen, Round 1
One thing that bothers me is that if someone goes around quoting Shakespeare, Twain and Steinbeck, they are considered cultured and well educated. Yet if someone else goes around quoting Coppola, Tarantino or Charlie Kaufman, they are considered a movie geek with no life. This double standard between someone who reads a lot of books and someone who watches a lot of movies has always troubled me, because I believe nowadays movies are just as significant and important as books. I have also been reluctant to identify myself as a “movie buff” because of the weird stigma that is attached.
Anyway, I am movie buff – there, I said it. I love movies – from the high I get from the buttered popcorn, to the coming attractions, even to the 20-wenty (okay, I lied about that). One of my favorite pastimes is to identify those things that only happen in the movies that I want to have happen to me in my life. So, as an ongoing piece, I will present those great Hollywood moments that hopefully I will encounter someday.
Here’s the first round:
I Want to be Given a Briefcase Full of Money – I don’t care if it’s a metal or leather briefcase, as long as it’s a briefcase; no attaches’, gym bags or backpacks. Also, I want someone to spin the briefcase on the table in my direction and say, “it’s all there.” I will then unlock the briefcase, smugly look that person in the eye and thumb-through one bundle of money. Indeed, it’s all there.
I Want to be Forced To Take a Vacation by My Boss – I want to someday work so hard and be wound so tight that my boss demands that I go away for two weeks. For some reason this always comes across as punishment in the movies, but I see at as a badge of honor.
I Want to Challenge My Boss to Fire Me and Him Say No – In a perfect world, this would happen in the same conversation of being forced to take a vacation. I always envisioned it would go something like:
“If you don’t like it, fire me!” I daringly say.
“I’m not firing you, Bill. You’re taking a two-week vacation, NOW! And I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
The weird thing is that whenever this happens to someone (in the movies) they always seem miserable on their vacation. Maybe the catch to the forced vacation is that you can’t enjoy it?
I Want to be Called to the Witness Stand as I am Entering a Courtroom – And right as it happens have a deafening silence fall over the court. Not long after, I want to state my full name and occupation and point out the defendant for the record.
I Want to Turn in My Badge and Gun – And have the constantly pissed-off police captain pull them out of the top drawer of his desk and return them to me after I have reluctantly been vindicated.
I Want to Have a Rooftop Chase – I want to be jumping from roof to roof (preferably wearing a suit) in Chicago or New York. The first few jumps are easy and I nail them perfectly, not even breaking stride. The man in pursuit also easily executes the jumps. In the distance I notice a really long jump quickly approaching and for a moment I doubt myself. Finally I reach the final gap and jump as hard and as high as I can. Of course I will either a) barely make the jump cleanly or b) come up short and end up hanging over edge and having to grab onto a small pipe to pull me back up to safety. In a perfect world, as I hang over the edge, I would also lose a shoe and watch it fall and hit the trash dumpster below. The guy chasing me will either fall to his death or lose his nerve and not even attempt the long jump, as I runaway in the background.
I Want to Have a Train Chase – Similar to the rooftop chase except for this time I am jumping from car to car landing on train cars filled with piles of logs or coal, cars of differing heights and a car with a curved roof that almost causes me to slide off of one side - all the while dodging the oncoming tunnel. The bad guy in pursuit will inevitably be 1) thrown off the train while traveling over a bridge which causes him to land in the river below 2) fall onto the tracks and be crushed by one of the cars 3) I will hold his head up right as we hit the tunnel, which will decapitate him.
I Want to Tell Someone to “Go to Hell” Before They Shoot Me – Odds are this will probably happen in a saloon and the obvious retort to when someone tells you to go to hell is to say, “you first,” and then shoot them. So, that’s what will probably happen to me, too.
Anyway, I am movie buff – there, I said it. I love movies – from the high I get from the buttered popcorn, to the coming attractions, even to the 20-wenty (okay, I lied about that). One of my favorite pastimes is to identify those things that only happen in the movies that I want to have happen to me in my life. So, as an ongoing piece, I will present those great Hollywood moments that hopefully I will encounter someday.
Here’s the first round:
I Want to be Given a Briefcase Full of Money – I don’t care if it’s a metal or leather briefcase, as long as it’s a briefcase; no attaches’, gym bags or backpacks. Also, I want someone to spin the briefcase on the table in my direction and say, “it’s all there.” I will then unlock the briefcase, smugly look that person in the eye and thumb-through one bundle of money. Indeed, it’s all there.
I Want to be Forced To Take a Vacation by My Boss – I want to someday work so hard and be wound so tight that my boss demands that I go away for two weeks. For some reason this always comes across as punishment in the movies, but I see at as a badge of honor.
I Want to Challenge My Boss to Fire Me and Him Say No – In a perfect world, this would happen in the same conversation of being forced to take a vacation. I always envisioned it would go something like:
“If you don’t like it, fire me!” I daringly say.
“I’m not firing you, Bill. You’re taking a two-week vacation, NOW! And I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
The weird thing is that whenever this happens to someone (in the movies) they always seem miserable on their vacation. Maybe the catch to the forced vacation is that you can’t enjoy it?
I Want to be Called to the Witness Stand as I am Entering a Courtroom – And right as it happens have a deafening silence fall over the court. Not long after, I want to state my full name and occupation and point out the defendant for the record.
I Want to Turn in My Badge and Gun – And have the constantly pissed-off police captain pull them out of the top drawer of his desk and return them to me after I have reluctantly been vindicated.
I Want to Have a Rooftop Chase – I want to be jumping from roof to roof (preferably wearing a suit) in Chicago or New York. The first few jumps are easy and I nail them perfectly, not even breaking stride. The man in pursuit also easily executes the jumps. In the distance I notice a really long jump quickly approaching and for a moment I doubt myself. Finally I reach the final gap and jump as hard and as high as I can. Of course I will either a) barely make the jump cleanly or b) come up short and end up hanging over edge and having to grab onto a small pipe to pull me back up to safety. In a perfect world, as I hang over the edge, I would also lose a shoe and watch it fall and hit the trash dumpster below. The guy chasing me will either fall to his death or lose his nerve and not even attempt the long jump, as I runaway in the background.
I Want to Have a Train Chase – Similar to the rooftop chase except for this time I am jumping from car to car landing on train cars filled with piles of logs or coal, cars of differing heights and a car with a curved roof that almost causes me to slide off of one side - all the while dodging the oncoming tunnel. The bad guy in pursuit will inevitably be 1) thrown off the train while traveling over a bridge which causes him to land in the river below 2) fall onto the tracks and be crushed by one of the cars 3) I will hold his head up right as we hit the tunnel, which will decapitate him.
I Want to Tell Someone to “Go to Hell” Before They Shoot Me – Odds are this will probably happen in a saloon and the obvious retort to when someone tells you to go to hell is to say, “you first,” and then shoot them. So, that’s what will probably happen to me, too.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Welcome to The Whole Year Inn
Does anyone grow up wanting to be a mid-level manager? Does anyone dream of sitting in a gray cubicle surrounded by cheesy inspirational sayings, foam stress toys and desk calendars, while listening to the clichéd conversation of their co-workers? Does anyone dream of being rewarded for their hard work with an 8x10 color printout of their achievement and a larger cubicle and a brunch with their boss?
Does anyone still find happiness in the little things in life? The smell of buttered popcorn in a movie theatre. Sitting in a bar conversing with your best friend. Not being able to stay in your seat as you watch your favorite team in the final minute of a close game. Collecting all your chips after a successful double-down in blackjack or winning a large pot in Texas Hold-Em’. Watching the sun slowly set during a road trip. The warmness of an outdoor hot tub in winter overlooking the mountains and the coolness of a pool over the Fourth of July in Vegas. The way your favorite meal tastes at your favorite restaurant. Laughing so hard it hurts and you cry. Leftover turkey sandwiches. Getting goose bumps from the trumpet in the opening scene of The Godfather. How good you feel after a hard workout. Dressing your best for a night out. Inside jokes that never get old. Deep breaths after you have had a stuffy nose. Pillow talk. Paraphrasing the immortal words of Lester Burnham, does anyone still feel grateful for every minute of their life?
Does anyone wonder if the Earth was totally flooded with water and the only salvation was a large, wooden boat built by a guy named Noah? Does anyone wonder if we will be able to clone a human one day? Does anyone wonder if we will actually run out of oil someday? Does anyone wonder why the Bible doesn’t mention Jesus during his twenties? Does anyone wonder why we always long for the “way it was.” Does anyone wonder if most Americans fall in the middle, instead of the left and the right, or red and blue? Does anyone think we have taken political correctness way too far? Does anyone really understand our basic freedoms of speech and religion? Does anyone care?
Does anyone feel obligated to drink the refill a server brings you right after you paid the check but before you leave the restaurant? Does anyone wonder how many children, or adults, thought Alzheimer’s Disease was actually called Old-Timer’s Disease? Does anyone else feel their cell phone vibrate in their pocket only to pull it out and realize the phone wasn’t ringing? Does anyone wonder why saying the word “what” when you haven’t understood something that has been said to you, suddenly allows you to comprehend what was just said? Does anyone else dream of being on the receiving end of a briefcase filled with cash, counting a stack of money and being told that I, “don’t have to count it – it’s all there”?
If you have answered yes or no to any of these questions, I strongly encourage you come back for a visit.
Welcome to the opening of The Whole Year Inn.
A new, funny posting coming on Friday ...
Does anyone still find happiness in the little things in life? The smell of buttered popcorn in a movie theatre. Sitting in a bar conversing with your best friend. Not being able to stay in your seat as you watch your favorite team in the final minute of a close game. Collecting all your chips after a successful double-down in blackjack or winning a large pot in Texas Hold-Em’. Watching the sun slowly set during a road trip. The warmness of an outdoor hot tub in winter overlooking the mountains and the coolness of a pool over the Fourth of July in Vegas. The way your favorite meal tastes at your favorite restaurant. Laughing so hard it hurts and you cry. Leftover turkey sandwiches. Getting goose bumps from the trumpet in the opening scene of The Godfather. How good you feel after a hard workout. Dressing your best for a night out. Inside jokes that never get old. Deep breaths after you have had a stuffy nose. Pillow talk. Paraphrasing the immortal words of Lester Burnham, does anyone still feel grateful for every minute of their life?
Does anyone wonder if the Earth was totally flooded with water and the only salvation was a large, wooden boat built by a guy named Noah? Does anyone wonder if we will be able to clone a human one day? Does anyone wonder if we will actually run out of oil someday? Does anyone wonder why the Bible doesn’t mention Jesus during his twenties? Does anyone wonder why we always long for the “way it was.” Does anyone wonder if most Americans fall in the middle, instead of the left and the right, or red and blue? Does anyone think we have taken political correctness way too far? Does anyone really understand our basic freedoms of speech and religion? Does anyone care?
Does anyone feel obligated to drink the refill a server brings you right after you paid the check but before you leave the restaurant? Does anyone wonder how many children, or adults, thought Alzheimer’s Disease was actually called Old-Timer’s Disease? Does anyone else feel their cell phone vibrate in their pocket only to pull it out and realize the phone wasn’t ringing? Does anyone wonder why saying the word “what” when you haven’t understood something that has been said to you, suddenly allows you to comprehend what was just said? Does anyone else dream of being on the receiving end of a briefcase filled with cash, counting a stack of money and being told that I, “don’t have to count it – it’s all there”?
If you have answered yes or no to any of these questions, I strongly encourage you come back for a visit.
Welcome to the opening of The Whole Year Inn.
A new, funny posting coming on Friday ...
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