A Loss For Words

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes it’s hard to find the right way, the right context, the right approach, to express emotions when something happens that is beyond words. It’s easy to crack jokes about how a restaurant labels its men’s and women’s restrooms or pros and cons of certain gambling strategies, but it’s far more challenging to wrap your heart and mind around ending a relationship or what has happened in New Orleans.

I have wanted to write about both of those events over the last week, but I have had a hard time finding the right voice to do that successfully. I guess I am afraid of not being able to find the right combination of words that would give each of those events their proper due. Now don’t get me wrong, my own personal loss pales in comparison to what has happened in New Orleans and Mississippi, but I don’t want to accidentally detract from the significance of either of those of things by throwing out a half-hearted effort or saying the wrong thing or not saying enough.

Even though I have received great response from Friday’s post, I can’t shake the feeling that I didn’t pay proper tribute to a person and a relationship that has meant so much to me over the last few years. I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night to see if I could gain some sort of perspective, but instead, all it did was confirm in my mind that I didn’t do enough to commemorate how much this person touched my life. So now what do I do? Do I try to write more? Do I let it be?

I have watched in horror as the tragedy in New Orleans unfolded (by the way, that is the proper use of the word tragedy). I am not an expert in disaster planning or recovery, but it seems like more should have been done last week in response to the hurricane, and more should have been done the 24-48 hours before the hurricane hit mainland. Hurricanes aren’t tornadoes or earthquakes, in the sense we don’t know when and where they are going to strike, but I remember reading and watching CNN days in advance about how serious the hurricane was. So why didn’t more people evacuate? Well, New Orleans isn’t Beverly Hills and a lot of the residences couldn’t afford to flee. Understandable. So why wasn’t the mayor, the governor, FEMA and Homeland Security, sending in boats, buses, additional planes, whatever, to get these people out and brace for the worst? If we can’t properly respond to an event that we got a few day notice on, how can we properly respond to an event, like 9/11, that we don’t get any? Since 9/11, aren’t we suppose to be more prepared for the unthinkable? Judging by the response so far, it doesn’t look we are. Scary.

I think one of the problems we have in this country is that we rush to judgment. We don’t allow enough time for things to set-in and for us to have the proper time to evaluate what has happened. That being said, I think all of the criticism being thrown at the government, both local and federal, is justified. There is no reason the people of New Orleans should have waited for help as long as they did. Remember, after 9/11, President Bush was at Ground Zero, standing on the rubble, talking to firefighters the very next day. President Bush played golf in California and attended an Astros game before touching down in New Orleans days later and ending his vacation early. Maybe there was nothing practically he could have done, but at least make an effort, or appear that you are doing something, heck anything (just like he did in NYC). I guess I am just disappointed that those in power didn’t do more for the people of New Orleans.

So I have these two events in my life that I wish there was more I could do. I wish I lived closer to New Orleans so I could drive down there and help. I gave money, but that seems so impersonal and easy, even though it’s probably what they need most at this point. And then I have this loss of a relationship. I wish there was something I could do, even though I know the prudent thing to do is to do nothing. But just like giving cash seemed easy and impersonal to the people of New Orleans; doing nothing and writing a short post comparing my situation to Joel’s and Clementine’s in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, seems easy and uninspired.

I guess in both instances, I need to take my own advice – and don’t rush to action or judgment. For someone as impatient as me, who demands actions and results on my timeframe, not someone else’s, that will be a difficult task.