Something New Debut

Like Lindsay Lohan at a Hollywood party, I am going to try something new. In order to keep me on a consistent writing schedule and to continue polishing my writing skills, every week I am going to “award/answer” 7 things-of-week. For example: Quote of the Week, Underrated/Overrated Thing of the Week, etc. I will still write about other topics, but once a week I will attempt to hit on these predetermined themes.

Hopefully this will go over well and everyone will enjoy it.

I do ask though that if you can think of any funny or interesting topics for me write about, like, “Annoying Public Figure of the Week” or “Sports Cliché of the Week” or “Burnt-out Celebrity of the Week,” please let me know and I’ll add it to my list.

Quote of the Week:

“I just had a periodontal orgasm.”

- Ryan, after removing a large piece of movie theater popcorn from his teeth while we were watching Syriana

Movie/TV Show of the Week:

Syriana

If you are looking for a Traffic-wannabe, with a confusing and unclear plot, too many similar characters, undeveloped and wandering subplots, vague dialog, with no emotional impact, and an all-star cast, then Syriana is definitely a movie you’d enjoy.

Underrated/Overrated Thing of the Week:

Underrated – New Years Eve Celebrations

Much to my chagrin, there is a strange anti-New Years Eve/New Years Eve celebration backlash circulating around the country. Recently, Sports Illustrated Peter King had this to say about New Years Eve partying:

“New Year's Eve is so far overrated it's dangerous. Very dangerous. Does America really need another reason to get totally lit?”

A few days later, my friend Beth emailed me the following New Years sentiments:

“New year’s is one of the most over-rated holidays. At least with Valentine’s Day, it started out celebrating the life of an actual saint. New year’s is just designed to fool people into believing that they’ve gotten a fresh start, a whole new year to forget the disappointments of the old and start anew, but really, they have that chance to have a better life every single day that they wake up.”

New Years is one of my favorite holidays – and not because it usually involves getting drunk. From a practical standpoint: I love counting down with champaign in hand, I love screaming “Happy New Year!”, followed by hugging my friends and family (occasionally kissing someone), then hugging and congratulating total strangers, and singing “Auld Lang Syne." In a time when everyone is quick to be overly critical of life, fun extinguish, and be excessively politically correct, I think it’s refreshing to have a holiday where you hug and say “Happy New Year!” to total strangers, and where you get thousands of people to congregate and celebrate a new year together; regardless of their religious views, economic status, area of the country, age, etc. New Years is one of the few holidays that brings the entire world together (how many other events do that?) – and that should be embraced, not criticized - even if the celebration may include excessive alcohol and finding someone to kiss at midnight.

From a philosophical standpoint, New Years can be symbolic of a fresh start. My friend Beth is correct in saying that every day of the year offers the same opportunity for a new beginning as New Years does. But just like celebrating your birthday is not actually celebrating your age (we are all 9 months older than our birthday), it does represent a milestone in our lives. It allows us to reflect on the past year, and gives us the vision to see how we might make the coming year better. Symbols are important to a lot of people – whether it’s a wedding ring, a college mascot, or even a tattoo. For many, New Years is symbolic of hope; and a time for self-improvement, renewing life goals, and acting on procrastinated dreams. And like Andy Dufresne once said, “hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things.”

I guess I don’t understand why people are so down on New Years.

Or maybe it’s because I spent the last two in Las Vegas – I don’t know …

(And to call New Years “very dangerous” is part of the problem with the world and the media today. Stop over-exaggerating and sensationalizing – has anyone ever said to themselves, “Good God, New Years Eve is very dangerous – I need to go to Iraq just to get out of harms way.”

Not everything is bad, evil, wrong, immoral, and worthy of a 60 Minutes or Dateline special. Quit sucking the life out of life! Please.

It’s also pretty smug of a guy who covers professional football for a living to call into question how often Americans drink – tailgating, the Super Bowl, anyone?)

Unanswered Question of the Week:

Why do we call Southern France the South of France? We don’t say the South of Chicago or the South of America.

Song of the Week:

“Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues

I still don’t know how to feel about the soap opera theme music at the beginning of the song, or understand the Walt Disney World-like monologue/music at the end, but the slow, deliberate pacing of the song, and the melancholy lyrics in the verses, are dang near perfect - despite its 7:00+ minute running time. Not to mention it’s really easy get this stuck in your head:

’cause I love you!
Yes, I love you!
Oooooooooooooooooh, how, I love you!!!

(In doing some research, evidently the song is a tale of a yearning, tortous, unrequited love from afar. Oh.

And the Disney-like diatribe at the end of the song is actually a spoken poem called, “Late Lament” which was written by Moody Blues drummer Graeme Edge (nice name) and read by keyboardist Mike Pinder.)

Food Item of the Week:

I attended a wedding on Saturday where the groom was a typical country-western fella, and the bride was Hispanic. At the reception, the first part of the buffet contained fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. The second half of the table was filled with Mexican food.

Freakin’ hilarious.

Relationship/Dating Thought of the Week:

Call me old fashion, but I still embrace most chivalrous gestures. I enjoy paying for dates; someday I will ask my girlfriend’s parents for permission to marry and when the time comes, I will drop to one knee to propose; and if I am on a sinking ship, I have no problem with the whole “women and children first” thing.

However, what I won’t support is opening the car door for my date. It’s not because I am selfish or macho or a chauvinist, it’s because nowadays it doesn’t make any logical sense to do that. And maybe that’s my problem, since dating and logic seldom align.

Anyway, I have remote entry to my car; which means the car doors unlock long before we arrive to get into the car. In the pre-remote-entry days, a gentleman would walk his date to her side of the car, unlock her door, assist her into the car, and then close the door once she gets settled. I suspect the purpose of this tradition was to prevent the women from unnecessarily standing in the cold, rain, snow, hail, heat, wind, etc., while the guy walks to his car door, unlocks it, gets in, and then eventually gets around to unlocking his dates’ door so she can get in. But since I have remote entry, my date gets into the car the exact same time I do. She doesn’t have to wait or stand in inclement weather – so why am I still opening her car door? It still makes sense for me to open all other doors for my date (i.e. – entering a restaurant), but now that technology allows us both to enter a vehicle simultaneously, why should I have to unnecessarily open the car door for her? Isn’t it sort of selfish of women to ask men to stand out in the weather when we don’t have to?

Unfortunately, on most dates I still uninspired-ly go through the motions of opening car doors because I want to make a good impression. But truth be told, I think it’s an outdated practice, and I’d rather save opening car doors only for a special occasions.