Pride and Prejudice

What a week! Let’s recap some of the major news stories …

- A WNBA star (if there is such a thing) comes out of the closet admitting she’s gay.

- United States Air Force Academy head football coach Fisher DeBerry reveals that he thinks black athletes can run faster than white athletes.

- Mr. Sulu from Star Trek admits he’s gay.

- On the heels of making is groundbreaking Rocky 6 announcement, 59-year old Sylvester Stallone reveals he’s making a Rambo IV.

Good god. This is one of those situations where there are so many jokes to be made that you don’t know where to begin – like when someone trips and falls right in front of you at the mall.

Do I need really need to say anything like:

Is anyone really all that surprised that a professional women’s basketball player is gay? The next thing you know we might actually find out that there are gay women golfers, bowlers and softball players.

I don’t want to play the race card, but can anyone remember the last time a white guy won a marathon, won the slam dunk contest in the NBA, led the NFL in rushing, led the NFL in receiving, or broke the world record in the 100-meter dash? I’m not saying Coach DeBerry is right, but just something to think about …

So a guy who joins an academy (Starfleet), wears a tight jump suit, works on a ship filled with men, is thin and nicely dressed, turns out to be a homosexual -you’ve got to be kidding me?! I’m appalled! Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me there are gays in the US military.

What do you think we’ll see first, a Cliffhanger 2, a Demolition Man II, a Judge Dredd prequel, or Sylvester Stallone pulling a tour of duty on the Surreal Life?

Unfortunately, despite all these great lighthearted news stories, I have to admit I am a little upset about the comments Fisher DeBerry made. Regardless of if he is right or wrong, I am tired of all the discrimination. All the stereotypes. All the bias that exist in this country. In fact, I am so upset that I want to vent about some discrimination that goes mostly unnoticed (or as my boss would say, “flies under the radar”) throughout most of America. And to make this discrimination worse, it is perpetuated in movies, television, and even our art - and yet no one says a word.

What am I talking about, you ask? I am talking about the fact that interstates do not get equal treatment when compared to 2-lane highways.

Let me ask you a few questions:

When was the last time a major interstate was the subject of a painting or an artsy black and white picture?

When was the last time, in a movie, a character had an “A-HA!” moment doing 85 down a turnpike?

When was the last time anyone on television used a highway before a major event or conflict occurred?

Think about it. The answer to all of these questions is: It never happens!

Somewhere down the road (pun intended), artists fell in love with cozy two-lane highways, instead of the sprawling four-lane interstate. Or did they? Maybe they didn’t fall in love. Maybe in reality, they are all just prejudice towards interstates …

Sure interstates don’t have the “lived-in” look because they are re-paved every summer (or at least it seems given the amount of times I get stuck behind 18-wheelers driving 37 MPH through a construction zone) and the hotels that line the interstate are often brand new Comfort, Days, Sleep or Holiday Inns - but just because something is newer, cleaner, fresher, doesn’t mean a jeans model can’t be sexy or a character can’t have an epiphany, sitting in a Holidome. I think the lack of fair treatment towards interstates is obviously a product of ageism – with the old 2-lanes getting all the screen time and attention.

I can’t remember the last time anyone I know stayed at an unknown, rundown motel a few miles outside of town - yet Hollywood (especially location scouts) continues to show us characters doing it. Why? I think the only logical conclusion is that it’s blatant discrimination and preferential treatment. Are you telling me the movie Identity couldn’t have taken place at a Comfort Inn and Suites? Who, in their right mind would choose a seedy, Jack’s All Night Inn over a Holiday Inn Express?

Or maybe “those weirdoes in Hollywood” have something against brand new 30-pump gas stations often found on the side of interstates, because they are anti-Bush and are boycotting all the oil companies - and because of that, they prefer to only film and photograph the stations that offer 4 pumps, and were built in 1963 when Kennedy (a democrat) was president. Is there something more aesthetically pleasing about a pump that has scrolling numbers, like a slot machine, as opposed to a digital readout? I don’t think so. It seems fairly obvious to me that Hollywood is taking its political agenda out on the interstates.

Nicole Ritchie. Paris Hilton. Lindsay Lohan. What do all of these girls have in common? They are all skinny … kinda of like two-lane highways. Filmmakers and artist are taking their obsession and preferences towards the thin, and applying them towards highways. Why else would you not show an interstate? They are wider, faster, safer and often times more direct. Yet they don’t appear on any movie posters. They don’t make the cover of Life Magazine. There aren’t calendars showing the 12 prettiest interstates in America. The Travel Channel doesn’t have specials about the most charming interstates to travel during the Fall. You know why? It’s because they think we prefer to see long and skinny highways, as opposed to the more true-to-life and “fatter” interstates

I have a dream that the one day, I’ll walk into a Prints Plus and buy a poster of a picturesque couple kissing in front Flying J Travel Plaza, as opposed to bland, white Shell station circa 1971. I have a dream that one day I’ll go to a movie starring Tom Hanks, and after being lost at sea for 4 years, he’ll return a FedEx package to someone who lives off of I-70 at exit 254; instead of at some random intersection in the middle of no where, where no one remotely attractive (or under the age of 60) would actually live. I have a dream of watching a TV murder mystery unfold at a newly remodeled Days Inn. I have a dream of sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, staring up a Norman Rockwell-like painting of the Jersey Turnpike. I have a dream that one day interstates will finally receive the fair and equal treatment they deserve.

Happy Halloween and have a safe weekend!