Walking On Coals

“Do I look like the Jedi from Star Wars?”

The pathetic line my friend Julie heard Friday night at The Pourhouse.
(Julie was nice and said she wasn’t a fan and didn’t know – what she really should have said is, “Wow – you do look like Yoda!)

As some of you know, over the past few years I have been working on a screenplay called The Perfect Three – a story loosely based on some of my experiences during college. Since I completed the last edits late-last year/early this year, I’ve been working like John Nash from A Beautiful Mind to find an original idea for my next script. Finally, I think I have it! I am not going to reveal any of the storylines or character arcs yet, but I just wanted to share how freakin’ good it feels to be starting a new creative project. I also hope this means that Ed Harris will stop visiting me while I am at work and that British guy from Wimbledon will stop telling me “I’m a genius!” in the middle of meetings – it’s very distracting.

By the way, eventually I will have The Perfect Three linked with this Web site so anyone who wants to read the story will be more than welcome to do so.

I happily consumed five Miami Vice’s/Miami’s Vice this weekend at three different locations. Don’t really know what that means in the grand scheme of things, but I just thought everyone should know and encourage you to join me on the Miami Vice bandwagon – there’s plenty of room. What’s the ole’ saying, “binge drinking loves company,” or something like that?

Some records will never be broken:

- My streak in 2001 when I had 6 consecutive one month relationships.

- John Travolta’s current streak of unwatchable movies …
(Which is baffling considering the run he had in the mid-to-late 90’s of consecutive awesome movies: Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty, Phenomenon, Face/Off and Primary Colors.)

- Bill Self’s current streak of bad luck, bad coaching, bad seedings and bad time for his predecessor to win a national championship while KU gets one bad headline after another, DAMN IT (sorry, had to vent).

- Me and Ryan’s streak of 961 consecutive terrible meals at Fuddruckers.

- My streak of 48 months of ghastly and dreadful relationship decisions between 1999 and 2002.

- Ryan’s streak of drinking 27 vodka-tonics at the Sports Column without getting a buzz.

- President Bush’s current streak of consecutive post-9/11 speeches in which he mentions freedom.

And now introducing the new record – The 231st consecutive weekend of witnessing at least one bachelorette party while out at the bars/clubs. This isn’t an official number, but I am pretty sure the last time it didn’t happen was the weekend after 9/11 … I remember it well because I was inspired by George Bush’s “Freedom” speech.

(This streak ended for Ryan this weekend when he spent two days in Casper, Wyoming)

Speaking of Bush, doesn’t UN Ambassador John Bolton look like a mix of Nick Nolte, Ron Burgundy and a 1970’s porn star?

So taking an Amtrak train from Denver to Chicago cost more money than flying and takes longer than driving. Gosh, with that recipe for success I can’t imagine why Amtrak is in financial trouble. Personally, I would love to take a train somewhere and try out the sleeping-car (for a few reasons … use your imagination), and the drink-car, and the dinner-car, have a train chase through the cars and enjoy the scenery of a cross-country trip. But it’s pretty hard to justify taking a mode of transportation that cost more money and takes more time then the alternatives. With so many people afraid to fly nowadays and the cost of gas rising (especially airline fuel), you would think it would be high-times (pun intended) for the rail industry. Nope. It’s still $20-$50 dollars cheaper to fly to Chicago in an hour and half than it is to take the train and arrive 17 ½ hours after the plane (oh, and that’s just sitting coach, if you want a bedroom you can tack on another $150+ or so). Someone really needs to put me in charge of Amtrak, I guarantee it will turn a profit - there’s money to be made.

Firewalking, next to prayer is one of the oldest transformational tools known. In native cultures, the shamans and medicine men were called upon to walk on hot surfaces to purify the community. Surprisingly, firewalking made its way into every single culture on the planet. Even middle-ages Christianity embraced the mysteries of firewalking. Most often used as ritual purification, healing and worship, firewalking is still being used today as a local custom in such varied places as Hyland Hills WaterWorld, The Mirage, the Wynn Resort and a pool near you.
While I am glad I proved my faith to the Gods, and I look forward to an eternity eating grapes and being fanned by giant eucalyptus leafs in Heaven, would it kill pool and waterpark operators to create some new revolutionary surface or lay down some mat or sprinkle some water, so I don’t burn the heck out of my feet when I am walking from the pool to the bathroom? Or the pool to the bar? Or from the waterslides to the pool? Listen, I want to bring purity to my community and heal the sick, just not when I am walking behind a 300-pound European guy in a Speedo, who is moving as fast as “Spider” in Goodfellas after Joe Pesci shoots in him the foot, while taking up the entire sidewalk that has a surface temperature of 517° Celsius.

I finally saw Million Dollar Baby. I have two quick thoughts about this movie.

One, Morgan Freeman gets the Al Pacino/Scent of a Woman Award as the actor who received an Academy Award for a performance that clearly wasn’t their best. Freeman should have won his Oscar for playing “Red” in Shawshank Redemption, however he lost to Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump that year (which is understandable). That role, in addition to his roles in Glory, Unforgiven, Lean on Me or even Se7en, were all superior to his role in Million Dollar Baby.

Second, I couldn’t help but feel that the whole movie was a two and half hour-long device, designed just to make me cry.