Imagine A World Where (the synopsis) …Tristan is the local loser who has a crush on the town hottie. In order to prove his worthiness and love for the hot chick, he sets off to find the remains of a shooting star and bring them back to the shallow, attractive girl. Along the way, Tristan encounters witches and princes and spells and black magic and talking animals and pirates and most importantly, the shooting star – who actually is Claire Danes.
Noteworthy Moment From Before The Movie Started:
Sitting in the theatre, my friend Nicole and I realize we have NO idea what this movie is about. I suggest that since it’s called Stardust, it’s about a recently failed Las Vegas casino whose best qualities were its location, Wayne Newton, and Tony Roma Ribs.
As the theatre begins to fill-up, we realize that the moviegoers look they just came from the early-bird special at Furrs Cafeteria and will probably hitting Marie Callenders afterwards for some pie. So we decide to play a game – guess what movie we were seeing just based on who is sitting in the theatre. Here is what we came up with: Driving Miss Daisy, Again. The Golden Girls Movie: The Nursing Home Years. Cocoon III: The Chrysalis Stage.
Quote of the Movie:
“I am a princess tricked into being a witch’s slave – will you liberate me?”
- Una
(She was totally talking in code! Nine months later she unexpectedly had a little man! I really enjoyed that line.
I want a girl out there to use that quote at a bar next weekend and see if they can get “liberated” too … just be a little more careful than Una though, please.)
Pleasant Surprise:
After Claire Danes got laid, since she is a star, she literally radiated and glowed after sex. Claire had to take the weirdest Walk of Shame in the history of Walks of Shame. Bad enough you’re wearing the same clothes, but you’re also emitting enough light to light-up the top of The Luxor.
“No, no … Tristan I just kissed a few times and snuggled … I swear, that’s all we did! I am not glowing! You are imagining things!”
Nit-picking:
Two things kinda bothered me:
1) The geography in the movie was inconsistent. For the protagonists, it took them considerably more time to travel a leg of their journey than it did for the antagonist. It’d take Tristan and Claire Danes days to cover a stretch of land that the evil-doers could knockout in 20 minutes. There is a sequence where Tristan and Claire hitch a ride on a balloon and they are on the balloon for such a long that they learn how to dance and swordfight. The bad guys play one game of solitaire and they are there.
2) In movies like Stardust, the “rules” or lore of the fairytale lands are sometimes too weird and random. For instance, we learn that: There are flowers that prevent spells from turning you into woodland creatures. Stars can’t shine with a broken heart. Babylon candles are hard to come by. Getting a star’s heart keeps you young. Sacrificing animals gives your own GPS. And certain jewelry can give you eternal life. Whatever.
I bring this up because characters can find loopholes to rules or new rules or amendments to old rules at key points in the film and we can’t really question their validity to the story. This would be like watching Forrest Gump and instead of Jenny dying of AIDS, out of nowhere Forrest burns his ping-pong paddle, sings Elvis’ “You’re The Devil Disguise,” and pours Dr. Pepper over Jenny’s drug tread marks and reproductive organs, and suddenly she was healed. How does that work?
What I Learned:
The writers of the film are huge Star Wars fans. During the climax of the film, we have an evil character who is shriveled-up and disfigured, who can also shoot lightening bolts. We have a good character fighting an evil character with a sword. We have a whole host of evil, taunting laughs. We have a character that can throw, move, and break things just by using the forc … casting a spell. And, we have a parent who is looking for redemption and who can help the good guy defeat the bad person.
Return of the Jedi anyone?
Cards on the Table Time (in conclusion):
Stardust doesn’t cover any new ground. You got the classic tale of the dork, trying to win the heart of a beauty, only to find someone who loves him for him, and all the while battling corrupt evil figures, and meeting some unexpected friends along the way.
Despite all of that, I really didn’t mind the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be buying the DVD, but I found myself rooting for the fun and innocent Tristan. He was a likeable guy and there was enough chemistry with Claire Danes to make the love story worthwhile. The set design is so good that it will make you want to visit Fantasyland in DisneyWorld and the peanut gallery ghosts will make you want to ride The Haunted Mansion. At least three times you’ll be thanking God that the producers casted Claire Danes instead of Gwyneth Paltrow (who would have killed t
he movie). Michelle Pfeiffer plays the bad guy just well enough that you don’t like her. Either that or you may not actually like Michelle Pfeiffer – which is a possibility. Oh, and DeNiro pops-up a gay pirate. Enough said.
There is some pretty funny adult humor in Stardust and the morals of the story, while they won’t change your life, are good enough to keep the females in the crowd happy. They avoid using too many special effects that would have made the movie look like a George Lucas flick and the karma inflicted on those who hurt animals will have you making Michael Vick jokes during the ending credits. So if you are meeting your parents for an early dinner at the Olive Garden, suggest Stardust, it’s a lot better than watching Golden Girls reruns at home or playing bingo at The Stardust.
Nit-picking:
Two things kinda bothered me:
1) The geography in the movie was inconsistent. For the protagonists, it took them considerably more time to travel a leg of their journey than it did for the antagonist. It’d take Tristan and Claire Danes days to cover a stretch of land that the evil-doers could knockout in 20 minutes. There is a sequence where Tristan and Claire hitch a ride on a balloon and they are on the balloon for such a long that they learn how to dance and swordfight. The bad guys play one game of solitaire and they are there.
2) In movies like Stardust, the “rules” or lore of the fairytale lands are sometimes too weird and random. For instance, we learn that: There are flowers that prevent spells from turning you into woodland creatures. Stars can’t shine with a broken heart. Babylon candles are hard to come by. Getting a star’s heart keeps you young. Sacrificing animals gives your own GPS. And certain jewelry can give you eternal life. Whatever.
I bring this up because characters can find loopholes to rules or new rules or amendments to old rules at key points in the film and we can’t really question their validity to the story. This would be like watching Forrest Gump and instead of Jenny dying of AIDS, out of nowhere Forrest burns his ping-pong paddle, sings Elvis’ “You’re The Devil Disguise,” and pours Dr. Pepper over Jenny’s drug tread marks and reproductive organs, and suddenly she was healed. How does that work?
What I Learned:
The writers of the film are huge Star Wars fans. During the climax of the film, we have an evil character who is shriveled-up and disfigured, who can also shoot lightening bolts. We have a good character fighting an evil character with a sword. We have a whole host of evil, taunting laughs. We have a character that can throw, move, and break things just by using the forc … casting a spell. And, we have a parent who is looking for redemption and who can help the good guy defeat the bad person.
Return of the Jedi anyone?
Cards on the Table Time (in conclusion):
Stardust doesn’t cover any new ground. You got the classic tale of the dork, trying to win the heart of a beauty, only to find someone who loves him for him, and all the while battling corrupt evil figures, and meeting some unexpected friends along the way.
Despite all of that, I really didn’t mind the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be buying the DVD, but I found myself rooting for the fun and innocent Tristan. He was a likeable guy and there was enough chemistry with Claire Danes to make the love story worthwhile. The set design is so good that it will make you want to visit Fantasyland in DisneyWorld and the peanut gallery ghosts will make you want to ride The Haunted Mansion. At least three times you’ll be thanking God that the producers casted Claire Danes instead of Gwyneth Paltrow (who would have killed t
he movie). Michelle Pfeiffer plays the bad guy just well enough that you don’t like her. Either that or you may not actually like Michelle Pfeiffer – which is a possibility. Oh, and DeNiro pops-up a gay pirate. Enough said.There is some pretty funny adult humor in Stardust and the morals of the story, while they won’t change your life, are good enough to keep the females in the crowd happy. They avoid using too many special effects that would have made the movie look like a George Lucas flick and the karma inflicted on those who hurt animals will have you making Michael Vick jokes during the ending credits. So if you are meeting your parents for an early dinner at the Olive Garden, suggest Stardust, it’s a lot better than watching Golden Girls reruns at home or playing bingo at The Stardust.
2 comments:
I've heard that the movie did not do Neil Gaiman's book any justice. They should've stopped at "Mirrormask."
I've also heard that people have likened this movie to "The Princess Bride." Whoever said that should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree that Claire Danes did a decent job, but I wish Sarah Michelle Gellar hadn't turned it down.
And I object to your statement that this movie is inspired by Star Wars. Why can't it be the other way around? Good guys have been battling bad guys with swords long before George Lucas was even born. Ever heard of "Le Morte D'Arthur," "The Three Musketeers," and "Monty Python and The Holy Grail"?
Whoa, whoa, whoa Beth – you wish Mrs. Freddie Prinze, Jr. wouldn’t have turned it down? Why? Were you rooting for the movie to fail? I love her in Cruel Intentions and I suppose you could make an argument for The Grudge, but why would you choose her over Claire Danes? Just out of curiosity, does she seem like the kinda girl who could pull-off a convincing English accent?
That last scene was torn right out of the Death Star. And it wasn’t just the swords … it was the swords in combination with Michelle Pfeiffer doing her best Emperor Palpatine impression, her using spells not unlike one would use the force, the presence of a family member assisting the reluctant hero son (they might as well given Tristan’s mother a breathing problem), the dead princes watching over the confrontation (not unlike how Obi-Wan and Yoda could appear to Luke), etc. I don’t recall those things in The Three Musketeers and Monty Python.
Post a Comment